Wild Nature Heart
Journeys Into Reconnection
Tag: grief
BIG ENOUGH TO HOLD IT ALL
Posted on November 12, 2018 by Ryan Van Lenning
This is for the crack that lets the light in, for trusting our wild heart bigness, for saying YES, we will feel the grief, we will mourn, because our wild nature hearts are in love with the world, and they are big enough to hold it all.
Category: UncategorizedTags: california, fires, grief, paradise fire, wild nature heart
“The world was made to be free in. Give up all the other worlds except the one to which you belong. Anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you.” – David Whyte, Sweet Darkness
“If we surrendered
to earth’s intelligence
we could rise up rooted, like trees.” -Rumi
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📦 BOX FULL OF DARKNESS
Befriending the Dark #8: Poem-share for sinking into the season & Befriending the dark, slowness, silence, & shadows. Here’s Mary Oliver once again redeeming things.
—————————
The Uses of Sorrow
Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.
COUNCIL CIRCLE
Council is an age-old practice that brings people together in a circle to bear witness and share authentically. We use council circle frequently as a way to do everything from expressing gratitude to dropping deeper and bearing witness to each others’ stories and experiences.
Here are common council intentions:
1. LISTEN from your heart.
2. Speak from your heart.
3. Be spontaneous
4. Be lean & to the point.
5. Speak to whatever will serve yourself, the circle, & the Highest Good.
6. Whatever is said in the circle stays in the circle.
WE GROW ACCUSTOMED TO THE DARK
Befriending the Dark #7: Poem-share for sinking into the season & Befriending the dark, slowness, silence, & shadows. Emily Dickinson takes us there.
———————————————
We grow accustomed to the Dark -
When light is put away -
As when the Neighbor holds the Lamp
To witness her Goodbye
A Moment - We uncertain step
For newness of the night -
Then - fit our Vision to the Dark -
And meet the Road - erect
And so of larger - Darknesses -
Those Evenings of the Brain -
When not a Moon disclose a sign -
Or Star - come out - within
The Bravest - grope a little -
And sometimes hit a Tree
Directly in the Forehead -
But as they learn to see
Either the Darkness alters -
Or something in the sight
Adjusts itself to Midnight -
And Life steps almost straight.
AUTHENTIC, NOT EASIER
One of my (Ryan) wilderness vision fast guides (Scott Eberle), says, "Doing a vision fast or wilderness rite-of-passage will not make your life easier, but it will make it more authentic." Nothing could be more true—my experience was a turning point in my life.
On the one hand, it simplified things. With a startling clarity, I came to know what was most true for me, what was most alive, & what directions I needed to take.
The flip side is what was false, inauthentic & non-aligned also became clear. I had to let them fall to the high desert floor. Not without grief & not w/o almost every emotion finding its way through my body. The mountain can hold it all. But when I returned (the incorporation phase), much of what passed for normal & many old habits of doing/being/thinking, shifted or dropped altogether. Even some old connections that no longer served fell away & I found myself w/ a new network of people. Building a new life based on my larger self aligned w/ my values required a bold resolve that was both exhilirating & very challenging. All this was the "not-easier" part.
But I wouldn't trade it for the world! Because I had found my home within, found healings, & found a clarity around my callings, my "giveaways" to the world.
This is the risk & the promise of wilderness rite-of-passage.
One of the callings that became clear to me is dedication to the craft of poetry & writing—& putting it out into the world. A 2nd clarity was about being a facilitator of repairing broken belonging—to oneself, to nature, & to each other; to being a guide in the task of not abandoning oneself, by following the great golden thread of our purpose & power. For me this work is best done in/with nature as ally, & is why I adopt the title of Inner/Outer Wilderness Guide. The 3rd clarity was the importance of bringing wilderness rites-of-passages such as vision fast w/ @wildnatureheart into the modern world.
It is a different experience for every one. Those who are ready, know. Whether they come to mark something, to claim some power, to make a transition, to seek clarity or take a question for a walk, their time on the mountain is a sacred experience.
DARK CAVE
Befriending the Dark #6: Poem-share for sinking into the season & Befriending the dark, slowness, silence, & shadows. Have you gone?
—————————-
The path to the dark cave
starts innocently enough
with a sign full of useful information
in broad daylight, blue skies.
A fulfulling breakfast--
potatoes & eggs perhaps, fruit
in season.
Before you know it
you can hardly remember the color
of berries or eyes
or the sound of the river flowing.
Bats reign here
and the dominant thoughts
are of your bed and that last meal.
Feel the shape of those walls
textured by the smooth slink of years
moist with mysterious things
you’d rather not know.
To either side, tunnels to treaures—
or traps.
There’s no way to know
and no sure way out
other than following the scent
of your deepest voice.
The deeper you spelunk
the brighter the darkness
Inside there a spark of spring lives.
Hard pains, sweet pains
nectars maybe, but first the cuts
both slow and quick
deaths.
Sometimes monsters
and the secret password
are the same thing.
They wear your skin.
Of course, you can avioid the path altogether
by staying "at home"
But don't think the cave is avoidable.
Or are you one who believes in light
without darkness?
Trailheads without wounded trailfeet,
mountain views without valleys?
Oh, what an imagination!
Come now!
Carve your beautiful, dark cave
and then come home, my friend
with well-earned feet
and a heart that knows.
-Ryan Van Lenning
FOREST-FLOOR-POINT-OF-VIEW
When we shift our perspective, we’re not only offered new ways of seeing but often treated to never-before-experienced gifts.
This beautiful Coast Giant Salamander (the largest terrestrial salamander) says hi.
So get on the ground, Spend some time crouching and crawling on hands and knees, climb the tree, put yourself in another’s shoes/paws, go through the brambles, sit on a boulder, walk the perimeter, jump in the hot seat, walk down the middle of the creek, or just pause and sit where most people pass by.
